Thursday, December 13, 2007

A parent's night before Christmas

'I got this from a friend and thought it was a laugh so here you go!

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house

I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.

Instructions were studied and we were inspired,

In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required.

"The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,

While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:

A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!

And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....

Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!

Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;

If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,

But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,

With each part numbered and every slot named,

So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,

All over the carpet they were scattered about.

"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!

Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!

Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."

"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand.

"And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact

That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact

To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night

With "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,

Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt

.The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin

Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,

We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.

But I said to my husband just before I passed out,

"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,

And not have to run to the store for a thing!

We did it! We did it! The toys are all set

For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!

"Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,

Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...

I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!

I had to add this I thought it was funny too...
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.
We should've known ONLY a woman would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

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